Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Houston, we have a blender
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
