it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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