doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
