I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
