it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
