We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
