I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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