I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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