When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Those nachos came to me in a dream
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
