Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
