Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
