You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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