i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
