yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
