Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
