dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
