dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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