great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
