i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
