how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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