What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
