You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
