At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
