How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So many bounce houses so little time
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
