There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
