Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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