I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
