i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
