He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
