the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
