At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
