I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I smell stomach acid.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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