before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
