How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
