Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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