I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
