Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
