Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
