There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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