Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
