your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
