My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
