Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
