i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
