Quick, to the slutcave!
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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