He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
