I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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