And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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