Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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