idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
