yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
